“Some people stake everything on loyalty and honesty and it is not repairable.” Puhn says a relationship, even a marriage, can rise from the ashes of divorce — and people can fall in love with their lover, but that kind of relationship is already starting behind.
“When someone is willing to cheat, you automatically know one character trait of theirs: a lack of emotional courage.” Tess Stimson, author of the Infidelity Chain and Adultery Club, two novels that deal with infidelity, knows all too well the pain of ending up with a cheater.
Alongside the internet dating revolution, these “playfairs” are evidence of a potentially dramatic shift in British marriage.
As dating websites open up a global shop window of sexual possibilities, as life expectancy continues to rise and we become increasingly sexually aware, how can we still take the crushing old rules of fidelity, that turn marriage into a prison, for granted?
“The weak person wants both the stability of their spouse, plus the excitement of the affair,” says Laurie Puhn, a private practice divorce law and mediation attorney from Manhattan as well as the author of Instant Persuasion: How to Change Your Words to Change Your Life.
According to Puhn, this weakness can carry into the new relationship if not dealt with after the split.
Sex was important, but that was not the most important thing between us… Feeling loved by another man has helped me being more self-confident.
Why should we not be able to recapture the heady thrills of youth, while protecting a secure home life?
The time has come, alongside the technology, to redraw the rules of marriage for the 21st century.
I wasn’t exactly trolling for men when I attended my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, but I’d heard on good authority that a particular 12-step meeting near my home in Venice was the place to meet people on the Westside.
Before you judge me: At the time I was trying on what it was like to be...