Likewise for the woman who always seems to get involved with unavailable, married men, a truly present, drama-free suitor can be deemed ‘boring.’ These unique challenges can be overcome, of course, but the sex addict will have their work cut out for them. The sex addict is used to instant gratification, and may not have the patience to invest in a long term relationship that builds gradually through shared interests and time spent getting to know one another.
Unfortunately too many people give up looking too quickly.Common scenarios that lead to dating despair include the emotionally needful woman consistently getting her heart broken by getting serious or sexual too quickly with the wrong guys.Or just as problematic, the superficial or inexperienced dater who, using dating as a metaphor for casual sex, ultimately becomes more skilled with the Kama Sutra than in forming meaningful partnerships. Gay or straight, male or female, those who are serious about the mating game can expect to date as many as 25 or more different people in any given year before the right one shows up.You feel in your “gut” that you can trust him to be aware of and take responsibility for his own continued growth.The addict is aware of what went wrong in his past relationships and understands how he retreated into his addiction, avoided intimacy, and hurt his partner.During dates, people often explore each other’s personalities, to discover whether or not they would be compatible together in a relationship.Dating experts advise that finding a suitable companion can take a lot of effort and easily be as time consuming and involved as a career move, not to mention hard on your self esteem.However, once in therapy, there inevitably comes a day when the sex addict is ready to embark on that daunting journey we call dating.For a man who has spent years, if not decades, relating to porn actresses on a computer screen, encountering a flesh and blood partner can seem unpredictable and terrifying.Of course, these choices brought the addict much pain, and now post-recovery, he or she must tolerate a temporary loss of autonomy, sharing with a therapist, a 12-step group sponsor and even a support group the everyday minutia of their dating process.Here the addict may long to keep just one or two secrets, but to do so would be counterproductive to the entire recovery process.If you are dating someone who has admitted to a past history of addictive sexual behavior you will need to know what to expect going forward.If the person you are dating has been in sex addiction treatment for upwards of a year or more, then the chances are that he (or she) will not relapse into the prior behavior.Addiction is described by the Merriam Webster dictionary as the “compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (such as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal.” This broad definition can not take into account the many individual experiences of addiction and recovery. Some go to 12 step meetings or other sober support groups. Some find support and spiritual renewal in church while others engage in certain self-care practices to maintain an emotional and physical balance that allows them to remain free of addictive behaviors.